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Posts tagged ‘self-help’

Hurt No More…

Courtesy of Shepherd Door

Today marks the first day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence or intimate partner violence according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) describes physical, sexual, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse. This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy.

Growing up, hearing about or seeing a woman being hit by her partner while not common place didn’t seem a serious enough issue to be up in arms about. Of course we were all taught boys should not hit girls; however that was easier said than done when the boys that were hitting were mimicking their fathers.

Growing up, and being a typical teenager who thought I was so crazy in love didn’t give a second thought to the phone calls asking about my whereabouts or the suggestions on who my friends should be. I chalked it up to a jealous boyfriend not control or psychological abuse i.e. intimate partner violence.

I was sixteen the first time I was struck. I remember being untruthful to those who loved me when questioned about a busted lip. I remember making excuses for the heated exchange. I remember going back. I remember never leaving. I remember… Still the seriousness of this public health issue did not resonate.

Fast forward to May 2000- post a few more black eyes, verbal assaults, and foolishness. Intimate partner violence reared its ugly face and caused devastation that can be felt to this very day. You see it came this time with a vengeance that sunglasses couldn’t hide, time couldn’t heal or a thousand apologies couldn’t erase. This time it took the life of my mother. Shot seven times in a fit of drunken rage- domestic violence cancelled her existence.

And again the questions of what she did or didn’t do sought to validate or make sense of this crime. Even today when we hear stories of celebs and violence we pick and choose who we support, we find a way to justify why it happened instead of seeking to eradicate the root of it all.

Taboo, common place, not your business or you wish a n**ga would- however you categorize the issue- I challenge all that’s reading this post to not accept the status quo, don’t turn a blind eye and don’t judge. Violence against anyone man/woman- boy/girl is unacceptable.

I am dedicating my blog all month long to raising awareness about the issue. Share your stories of healing and triumph from either side of the fence. Your story could be the one that breaks the cycle for a woman/man that doesn’t know how to get out. 

“Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls.” ~Melody Beattie


Enough- Breaking the Silence of Domestic Violence


Safe Horizons


My Evolution! (Days 17-23)

Reset- to set again or anew. The 31 Days to Reset Your Life Challenge has been amazing in allowing me to truly connect with myself on a deeper level. There is no doubt that we are guided by principles and beliefs instilled in us early on that ultimately shape the person we are to become. I am a firm believer that growing doesn’t cease until we are without life. Sometimes this growth/retooling can be painful however necessary. Reset has challenged me to look beyond the surface of my life, my beliefs, my actions, and my thought processes and maximize on the potential- the potential to live abundantly and whole.

This week was a sigh of relief. The tasks presented were “already” done.

1-      Find a good therapist -Yes, sometimes you need someone else to help you sort out your mess. This was one of the wisest decisions I’ve made. Going against the grain helped me become physically and emotionally well again at a very dark time in my life.

2-      Spice up your love life –spontaneous, just because, fun, fresh, and new!! Skyy’s got this!!

3-      Get rid of stuff- If I don’t use it, I don’t need it! Clutter is my enemy!

4-      Plan Your Reset project- My project is big and will require more than a month. My goal is to pay off as much unnecessary debt as possible by year’s end.

5-      Ditch TV for 24 hrs. – Much needed as I am a Law and Order junkie!!  I was able to get some much needed writing done without the distraction.

6-      Purge Negative People from Your life- ironically they removed themselves a while ago and the few stragglers were axed prior to the new year. Carefully and slowly building my circle of strength.

7-      Find a community to set your goals- check, check, and check!! This was/is an essential part of my pruning and preparing for the next level!!

I Am! I Can! I Will! (Day 11)

How can a driven and ambitious person have any thoughts that would be limiting? Out of these three beliefs – I’m not good enough, I’m not important, and mistakes and failure are bad, I found myself identifying more with the latter. I have indeed experienced my share of mistakes in life, exercised poor judgment, and fell short of my target on some ventures. With these shortfalls I felt bad and sometimes inadequate. Failure was not  an action I am/was accustomed to. Swirling around in my subconscious are thoughts of not living up to expectations or dropping the ball, so I carefully and meticulously mull over things. Sometimes over thinking so much I miss the simplest routes. This notion or belief that mistakes and failures are bad was subtle for me only showing its ugly face when something went awry. Today I worked on eliminating it and will continue to do so. Looking at the grand scheme of things the only way a mistake or failure can be bad is when I don’t learn from the experience and repeat it. I affirm today:

 It’s okay if the undertaking didn’t turn out to be all that I expected as long as I gave it my best.

I will capitalize on every mistake and learn from it. The only failure is lying down.

Yes, the only limits I have are the ones I place upon myself and I don’t have any!

My Release! (Day 9)

Action is the initial step towards change.  The assignment today was to choose a specific goal and perform a tangible and measurable action towards it. For my mental and emotional well-being, I simply let go! I let go, threw out, and rid myself of some things that reminded me of past hurts and tragedies.  I decided that the memories I needed were already etched into every fiber of my being. The negative emotional triggers are GONE. It was a long time coming and only required one small trash bag.

My Tree of Life -“Reset 10” Values (Day 3)

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11

Today’s challenge focused on values. The aforementioned scripture spoke volumes to me as I thought about those things that were important to me both tangible and intangible. When I was young, carefree, not responsible for another being, and a tad rebellious I dreamt of worldly things…jewelry, clothes, cars. Not saying that if disposable income allows and all other priorities/needs are met that one can’t oblige themselves. But as a teeny bopper, still trying to self identify, the core of me remained untapped.

Maturity came with age, experience, and responsibility. I began to see things differently. I began to have an overwhelming compassion for others which came along with the nurturing spirit of motherhood. I began to become more empathetic as grace and mercy were extended to me time and time again. However, the pivotal change occurred with the death of my mother. Priorities shifted- the want to be a doctor was demoted for the need to spend more time with family and so forth and so on.

My values…God, Altruism, Family, Wisdom, Health, Peace, Financial Stability, Friendship, Fidelity, Loyalty, Academia, Community Activism, Trust, Success, Dignity, Integrity, Faith, …

Although my list is expansive at the root of it all is my spirituality, my guide to life, the root to which all my branches grow- my tree of life.

I am a woman. I have the power to create, nurture, and transform!